10 Ways to Know Your Girl is a “Cynic”

Are you dating, cohabiting or married to a cynical woman? You are not 100% confirmed about it, yet, sudden whiffs of doubt give you heebie-jeebies.

Here, you are at the right place. Kindly go through the following points and find out the truth yourself

 

She has a resting bitch face( even with you)

10 Ways to Know Your Girl is a Cynic
Photo by Marko Kovic on Unsplash

 

Does your girl stick to her resting bitch face, while you croon “Have you ever loved A Woman” during a romantic dinner date?

For the uninitiated, ‘resting bitch face’ is the third most powerful weapon a woman can have – next to Vagina Dentata and pepper spray, to swat away threats.

In case, your girl is up with her facial-armor, even you two are taking a stroll next to the Seine, she is a cynic.

 

She wears boxy tops and doesn’t shave the mustache

You love your woman in a sheath that accentuates her curves. Your gal, on the other hand, wears boxy tops.

She struts around in pants with loose-drawstrings in public places and never tucks it in, despite your constant chugging.

She is unfazed about her visible bra-straps as well. And shows no remorse toward her hairy upper-lip.

 

She misquotes Nietzsche

She has half-read “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” and now quotes (and misquotes) Nietzsche in the most inane moments.

Like: when you get caught stealing the last piece of cake, she admonishes by spouting –

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”

 

She fakes orgasms and is nonchalant about it

10 Ways to Know Your Girl is a Cynic

 

She thinks sex is over-rated and fakes orgasms more than thrice a week. And when you unmask her fakery, the Cruella de Vil shrugs it away.

She is always in the hurry to get the ‘act’ done quickly and be back to binge-watch shows on Colombian drug cartels.

 

She chuckles, never smiles

In her childhood, she worshipped Heathcliff, Rhett Butler, and Mr. Rochester to such an unhealthy point that she never breaks into a smile anymore.

She only chuckles now and does occasional sarcastic laughs.

 

She has a ‘Valar Morghulis’ tattoo

She got ‘Valar Morghulis’ tattoo on her left foot to commemorate Valentine’s Day, rather than ‘imprinting’ your name.

 

She rolls eyes on your 5-year plan

10 Ways to Know Your Girl is a Cynic
Photo by Heather Mount on Unsplash

 

She is into Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Seneca and whomever Roman philosopher is in vogue right now, and practices stoicism with a vengeance.

Whenever you talk about the conjugal 5-year plan, she explains the futility of everything.

 

She is ‘fun at parties’

She does not laugh when your friends crack up wife-beating-up-husband jokes (that are the heart of WhatsApp forwarded messages in South-East Asia) at a wedding reception.

She also admits that her ‘Chanel’ tote is a fake one (bought from a nondescript Delhi shop) when your favorite aunt goes gaga after its bling.

 

She is not curious about your ‘disruptive technology’

Are you are working on a disruptive idea about delivering frozen Greek yogurt in humid Indian summer, to those who have lack of vitamin-D, via drones? Congratulations.

But tell it to your girl and if she gives a dead-pan look as a feedback, then she is a cynic.

Incidentally, between Steve Wozniak and Elon Musk, she takes side with the former.

 

She quotes Kahlil Gibran to your mother

10 Ways to Know Your Girl is a Cynic

 

Whenever your mother calls her up and asks her to feed you (the ‘man-child’) only home-cooked meals, your girl quotes Kahlil Gibran lines that would spark terror in the minds of any doting Indian parent

“Your children are not your children….And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”

 

Get a closer look. Does your girl tick all the boxes? Then she is a certified cynic.

Now leave her or stay with her- at your own peril.

 

 

 

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‘Incel’ and Other 9 Terms I’m Lusting After These Days

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Let’s increase our vocabulary, shall we? Here are the 10 terms I’m crushing on for the last 10 days

‘Incel’ and Other 9 Terms I’m Lusting after These Days
Image Credit: Pixabay

 

 

Incel

This one tops the chart. “Incel” means-

“Involuntarily Celibate” men who blame women for everything in life (okay not everything, but missing the action between sheets).

Ex:

Do you know Reddit had an Incel subredit once but now it’s blocked for spreading too much misogyny?

I know this example sounds pathetic but I’m scratching my head and nothing alternative has come out yet.

Chad

Chad means-

“A boy or man with a monumental ego, wannabe badass and show-offey vibes, an expensive taste in cars/drinks/clothes/accessories and loves to hang out in groups. And he can be spotted mostly in hip nightclubs, concerts, frat houses etc.”

Ex:

Date a chad and get ready to be screwed up.

 

Now enough of frat culture and now look up to an amazing coinage from Ireland I learned recently:

 

Emerald Noir

Emerald Noir means-

“gripping thriller/crime genre of literature that has been emerging out of Ireland pretty fast.”

Ex:

Tana French is quintessential front-runner in Emerald Noir; don’t miss out on her Dublin Murder Squad Series.

Biophilia

Biophilia means-

“The love one feels for other biological forms, natural surroundings and towards life itself.”

Ex:

Want to know the secret behind my radiant skin? It’s high level of Biophilia.

 

Gangbuster

There can be multiple meanings of Gangbuster but it sums up into –

“Something that comes in with a bang, an excitement, intensity or a promise to be successful.”

Ex:

In Narcos, the DEA agents had the last laugh after having a gangbuster success against Medellin cartel.

 

american-1209605_1280
image credit: Pixabay

Booklore

It means-

“Collecting trivia about books, certain authors, history of its publication etc.”

Ex:

Reading is not enough for me. Once I put down the book I loved, I try to dig into its booklore.

 

Mumblecore

It means-

“A genre of indie films that are low-budget, made by novice actors and technicians and typically portray slices-of-daily-life.”

Ex:

Even a well-made mumblecore movie is not my jam. I’m up for MCU franchise any day.

 

Tuckshop

Tuckshop means-

“A shop inside a school compound selling junk food and soft drinks.”

Ex:

We don’t have the concept of tuck shop in Indian public schools. All the mobile food-selling vendors do it outside of the premise.

 

Pussyfoot

Pussyfoot means-

“  Either i) to be uncertain of your move/decision or ii) to skulk ”

Ex:

I was pussyfooting my way out of office but the supervisor caught me off-guard.

 

“Not here to fuck spiders”

This gem of a term is originally from Australia. It means-

“Not here to waste time or dilly-dallying.”

Ex:

I know that your ‘Not here to fuck spiders’ doesn’t equate to fucking spiders in actuality. Yet, imagining you doing an arthropod is giving me major creeps.

 

What other word/term have you learned recently that warmed the cockles of your heart? Do share it with me.

 

3 ways to triumph over depression (tried and succeeded)

For the uninitiated, this is mental health awareness week (14-20 May).

This is the personal joke I only share with myself that– growing up, if I ever have had an inkling about these life-long inner demons, I’d have studied psychology.

alone anime art artistic
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

If you’re not living under a rock, you must know that depression is spreading like an epidemic worldwide.

In a country like India, where discussing mental health means sweeping it under the carpet, it is tough to talk about your depression openly.

Especially with parents (personal experience #1).

Indian parents of the previous generation equates deteriorating mental health to personal failure (yes, a sweeping generalization).

And oh, they have the ready-made cure for you –

i) getting spanked/yelled at (when you are small) and

ii) getting married/popping out spawns (when you are big)

board game business challenge chess
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

In case you are a long-sufferer of depression like me, it’s imperative to say that seeking  professional help is a must.

If you are from India, then research well before making an appointment with a therapist.

There are many loonies out there posing as therapists (of course, they have that piece of paper) but would muddle with your brain further(again personal experience #2).

So first step: visit a counsellor.

Then create your own coping techniques.

I’ve been applying the following methods for few months to stay sane and the result is impressive. 

 

1. Walking (as a form of exercise)

pink teal yellow multi color please leave nothing but your feet road signage
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Earlier, I’ve tried hitting the gym but after few days, lost motivation.

This happened to me thrice. Now I find the idea of jostling with others in a confined space kind of claustrophobic. And it shoots up my depression more.

Instead, walking feels much more rewarding.

Though Indian roads are not particularly favorable to have peaceful, casual walk- without getting bumped or getting your foot stuck in a hole, I follow this routine minimum three times a week.

Moreover, walking gives me a purpose about-

a) connecting with fellow earthlings in real life, instead of virtual, and

b) a direction that- I am now out of the home and need to go back there on time.Thus creating a sense of discipline. 

Both of these (perspective and sense of direction) get messed up when you are depressed.

 

2. Getting out more

assorted underwater animal toys
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Being someone who works from home (and damn lazy), getting out has always been a chore for me.

Added to it, the toxic habit I imbibed from childhood and unlearning now (“good girls don’t stay out late“)– had been one of the deterrents to me from being an outdoorsy person.

These days, I’m breaking it out one baby step at a time. So it’s attending a play one weekend while rummaging through the second-hand bookstore on another day.

Tips:

Believe me, being in outdoor when you are not living in a land with sparse population is a headache.

To find silence-you either have to

a)  choose an expensive cafe, sip onto that damn cappuccino while burning a hole right through your pocket, to read few pages or catch up with friends or

b) wander mindlessly in a centrally air-conditioned mall. 

Getting out in order to clear out your jammed brain-space needs planning.

So good luck with that but please stick to it.

 

 

3. Exploring western classical music

beat black and white composition document
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

2018 marks the first year in my life in discovering the fascinating world of western classical music.

Songs with lyrics don’t attract me much anymore. Rather, giving an ear to Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons or Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata helps me to calm my extra-strained nerves before hitting the sack in the night.

Some days, I  don’t even need to pop my prescribed sleeping pills.

Tips:

Do Yourself a favor and subscribe to Halidon Music channel in YouTube. This is the proverbial goldmine for me to dig out the best of classical music.

Who else would’ve introduced me to Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker Suite which I’m listening on loop right now?

Here’s the link.

 

 

Have you ever suffered/are suffering from depression?

What personal techniques do you follow to tame the beast?

Do share with me.

 

 

 

 

 

5 Paintings I’m Crushing On Lately

I am a self-confessed art-illiterate. Now, Wiki Art is making me fall in love with art for the first time in my life. Now I am learning a little bit about genre, schools, era every day.

Here, the 5 paintings I’m lately digging through the collection of Wiki Art.

 

Painting: Las Meninas (Ladies-in-Waiting)

Artist: Diego Velázquez

Year: 1665

 

las meninas
Las Meninas (source: https://www.wikiart.org/)

Why I liked it:

This painting makes me dream about  flying to Museo del Prado (sobbing at my broken state) and get a close-look.

The central figure of the portrait is Infanta Margaret Theresa, who is surrounded by her entourage. The artist himself is shown painting on a large canvas.

Now, look at the frame in the background. Do you see the reflections of the queen and the king on it?

Theory 1:

One school of thought argues, Velázquez was painting the royal couple who were outside the pictorial frame. their images were in the mirror.

Theory 2:

The king and queen were there to admire the artist on-work.’ Cause there is a misalignment of the position of their reflections and the fixed look of the artist.

Theory 3:

Velázquez was looking towards the viewer. There could have been a reflector he was looking at, to portray the princess who was otherwise too fidgety for actual sitting.

The painting has other fine nuances and symbols. You can read it here.

 

Painting: Krishna (Spring in Kulu)

Artist: Nicholas Roerich

Year: 1930

 

5 paintings I'm fascinated with right now
Krishna Spring in Kulu (source: https://www.wikiart.org/)

Why I liked it?

Nicholas Roerich was a revolutionary Russian public figure, painter, writer, philosopher-all rolled into one. His art said to have a hypnotic effect on the viewer.

Since childhood, I’ve reckoned Krishna in the background of Vrindavan- playing a flute, grazing, courting Radha and being sort of female heart-throb.

Or, leading in the battleground of Kurukshetra.

It amazes how Nicholas Roerich had imagined Krishna in the mountains, amidst blooming spring, doing what he would have loved the most- creating music.

 

 

Painting(s): South Indian Trilogy

Artist:  Amrita Sher-Gil

Year: 1935-1937

 

Why I liked them?

I hate comparisons but Amrita Sher-Gil would have been our very own Frieda Kahlo, had she not passed away at the age of 28 before peaking at her career fully.

The three pictures had one common theme- the sad, melancholic eyes of the subjects.

 

5 paintings I'm fascinated by, lately
Three Girls (source: https://www.wikiart.org/)

The first picture showing three girls, bowing their heads to something bigger and fiercer, in which they had no control in.

This reflects the perpetual image of Indian women world-wide- docile and submissive.

But don’t you think there is a glimmer of steel-like resolution in their faces, the curves of their necks?

 

5 paintings I love
Bride’s Toilet (source: https://www.wikiart.org/)

Bride’s Toilet showing the arrangement of an upcoming marriage. Women, encircling the bride, were preparing with a gloomy expression.

 

5 paintings I'm fascinated by lately
brahmacharis ( source: https://www.wikiart.org/)

The next picture Brahmacharis showing the groom (and his pals)with same doomed look.

 

Now, if you are an Indian, you know the arranged marriage scenario too well.

People, who are not in love, used to (and tend to) get married largely due to family coercion and a plethora of other reasons.

Don’t these portraits reflect that too well?

 

Conclusion

If like me, you are waking to the art-scene too late, then do yourself a favor and log into Wiki Art. This is an ‘artistic’ gold-mine. Thank me later.

6 reasons you should read Tana French, right away.

This I wrote less than 1-year ago. If you are hooked to thrillers/mysteries, dive into the world of Tana French. Here’s why-

A book for a goat

I prefer standalone detective novels that have–

a) its police-person/private investigator- diving straight into the heart of the murder,

b) having flashbacks of his/her own tormented life intermittently,

c) getting nudged by a side-kick,

d) solving the crime,

e) wrapping it nicely with a perfect bow,

f) going home and not coming back again for the next book.

But it all changed when I bumped into ‘Into The Woods’ by Tana French exactly 1 month back and I fell for her writing- hook, line and sinker.

Tana French Tana French

In case you haven’t heard about this dashing ‘psychology slash literary mystery’ author from Dublin so far, here are 6 reasons why you should grab a piece of Tana French –

1) Her prose is like fine alcohol

The friends, who are into finer things in life, describe how sipping into a rich single malt takes time to build up…

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5 ‘women-centric’ terms I’m obsessing over, right now

Do you know something exciting happening in Twitter right now? Women are describing themselves as the feminine gender is depicted by male authors.

It sparked off by YA author Gwen Katz and snowballed into something bigger, brilliant and funniest ‘thing’ I’ve read in months.

 

challenge-describe-yourself-like-male-author-would-whitney-reynolds-1

It triggered me to discuss words/idioms that popularly describe (read: demean) women who don’t conform to conformity.

1. Passé

Meaning: Outdated, gone-by etc.

However, do you know that passé used to denote a woman who is past her ‘sell-by’ date?

Is it widely used (in films, literature, day-to-day conversation, and social media)?

Une femme a passé (1928) is a silent era French film.

I don’t know French but I’m assuming it’s indicating a woman beyond her prime. Hopefully passé is not pointing only to the ‘femme’ anymore.

2. Hag

Meaning: Old or middle-aged woman who is undeniably ugly as hell.

Do you ‘hag’ was originated during 1250-1300 in Middle English language? And it first used only for ‘witches’, ‘sorceress’ (the tribe men loathed, feared, burnt down and lust over since antiquity) etc.

Is it widely used (in films, literature, day-to-day conversation, and social media)?

I don’t know about films, but in my part of world (English-speaking, elite-one) hag is tossed around in conversations. I

have found it out in classic literature sometimes; hardly seen it in modern-day fiction.

3. Cow

Meaning: apart from specifying the bovine variety, cow is also used for fat women or who are perpetually pregnant.

Is it widely used (in films, literature, day-to-day conversation, and social media)?

Ans:

Film/literature? can’t remember.

Conversation? Yes.

Social Media? Check this question out.

Here’s another important point:

So, abusive language directed at women might encompass unladylike sexual behavior, such as whore, slut, skank, pussy, cunt, dyke, twat, etc. or might compare women to sub-human animals, such as bitch, chick, dog, cow, horse, pig, porker.

Source: https://daily.jstor.org/ (link: https://daily.jstor.org/the-language-of-nasty-women-and-other-gendered-insults/)

 

Now let’s discuss few idioms-

4. “Over the hill”

Meaning: Same meaning as archaic passé. This idiom is majorly targeted towards women old and unattractive (both in life/career).

Here, what Urban Dictionary has to say-

“Reaching the average mid-point in life, which is age 40. Therefore 40th birthdays are generally thought of as making it “over the hill”. You’ve gone up the hill for 40 years ⬆ (healthy, youthful appearance, etc.), now 40 more years down the hill ⬇ (decreasing health, loss of physical beauty, etc.)”

 

Is it widely used (in films, literature, day-to-day conversation, and social media)?

Ans: Don’t know.

5. “Mutton dressed as lamb”

Meaning: This is pretty self-explanatory. Old woman dressing/acting/pretending to be younger.

Do you know the term was referred in a gossip journal back in 1811?

Apparently, the then Prince of Wales was attending a musical party and someone asked him why he didn’t show any interest/dance/flirt with some ‘girl’. He retorted-

Girl! Girls are not to my taste. I don’t like lamb; but mutton dressed like lamb!

(Source: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Mutton%20Dressed%20as%20Lamb)

Is it widely used (in films, literature, day-to-day conversation, and social media)?

Ans:

Film/literature? Hardly.

Conversation? Sometimes.

 Social Media? Check-out the comment section of popular fashion sites.

You might spot the term under the picture of a female celeb that is over 40 and wearing slogan-tee/crop-tops/super-short dresses/tiara etc.

 

If all these, made you, the mademoiselle, a little dejected, here’s come the sunny side. These tweets made me spill my precious masala chai out because of hyena laugh-

 

Challenge-Describe-Yourself-Like-Male-Author-Would-Whitney-Reynolds

.. this

Challenge-Describe-Yourself-Like-Male-Author-Would-Whitney-Reynolds

…and this

Challenge-Describe-Yourself-Like-Male-Author-Would-Whitney-Reynolds

Do you have any other word/idiom to add in this list?

3 reasons to love ‘effeminate’ men

This post I wrote in 2016. Should’have changed ‘2017’ to ‘2018’ but later thought it’s okay as it was. Still in love of this tribe.

A book for a goat

The more I collect grey hair, the less I like hyper-masculinity. Ripped torso, puffed-up muscle don’t bring that pit-in-the-stomach feeling that they used to do.

Now I prefer my man (or men, irrespective of their roles in my life) to cook, share household chores or buy tampons (if needed) without labeling them as ‘ladies work’.

Heck, even the heart of my heart says (though it is a sweeping generalization) that ‘effeminate’ men (I know it might sound stupid but there is a lack of better term) are eco-friendlier.

Queen M got it right

I felt I have been this the lone admirer of ‘woman-friendly’ man ( in case effeminate sounds repetitive) till I read that world-wide, women are started opening to the fact that beyond the barrage of hyper masochism- there lies a tiny, growing tribe of ‘girlie men’ ( credit goes to Arnold Schwarzenegger for coining this term).

So…

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