The fascinating groups of Indian pee-ers

Go to Quora and search for the questions like ‘what foreigners hate most about India?’ And you will find answers after answers from John Does and Jane Does of the first-worlds, recalling their horrors while encountering (probably first time in their lives) open defecating and peeing,  in the shiniest of Indian metros.

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I have not seen public bowel movement till now (except urchins) but peer-ers? Aplenty. With by extensive observation regarding the Indian adult men who urinate openly, I can proudly claim that I have earned a little authority in this matter, and even can box the publicly urinating men into groups.

The area I live in Kolkata has numerous nooks and corners that gives men easy access to release themselves not-so secretly. So after observing peeing male body postures for some time now, I have come to the conclusion that the public pee-ers can be divided into four categories-

The ‘genuinely-poor-nowhere-to-go’ pee-er

Although the Sulabh Souchalays (the not-for-profit, reasonably priced loos scattered all across India) charge mere Rupee 1 or 2 (I forgot the exact figure) to use their bathrooms, our rickshaw puller brothers find them too costly to part away with the measly sum. Instead, they pull aside their rickshaws at the side of the road and BAM- pass water.

But if you happen to be around (especially when you are a female), they shrink and hang their heads in shame. Most of the time, they give pleading looks, like – ‘I know peeing in public is wrong but my bladder is so fool and I am so poor. Please show me some mercy, look away and let me urinate in peace.’ Fair enough.

The virile ‘I-can-do-it-because-I-want-it’ pee-er

This group is the worst among three. They are mostly school going kids, street ruffians, small shop-owners-with-the-blessings-of-the-unions etc. They pee with vitality and if you tend to shoot them with an accusing glance, they show this unanimous aggressive body language. It says- ‘I dare you to challenge me.’ No good sires, I rather leave you to wee-weeing.

The ‘i-am-so-old-does-it-matter anymore?’ pee-er

The oldies that flock in the morning and evening at the local tea-stalls and lament over miserable states of state-country-politics-young generation routinely consist of this group mostly. Also there are folks who visit post office/bank alone and take a leak on the way back home.

They have this indifferent language that conveys- ‘my days are numbered. My kids have abandoned me. My wife has gout. What does it matter if I pass water openly?’ Nope. Here’s to more public wetting.

The ‘busy-bee’ pee-er

There is a fourth yet minority group who come in big cars, put a halt, take a leak in a not-so-private corner- all the while pressing one ear to phone ( they normally instruct their sub-ordinates loudly or talk about some shady business deals Hindi), get the ‘act’ done nonchalantly, zip up, and swooshed by their cars.

Meantime, they keep looking at some vague distance, conveying ‘ what –can-i-do-i-am-too-busy-to-pee-in-office-bathroom’ vibe. Okay I am buying your logic.

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Finally, Women are exempted from the list. Because in India, since childhood women learn to hold back the urge to release the bladder while in public places.

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